Confessions of a sinner

I can be quite obnoxious. Well, thanks to my one-track, one-dimensional, obsessed mind, many of my friends and not-quites may have such an impression. I wont accuse them. There are many things that i like in life, but there is a fewer lot that i love. And i am quite possessive about them, to the extent of being an animal. There have been so many times when my near and dear ones have said that I need psychiatric help. Yes, I do. Maybe, I do to fit the bill of the conventional guy. I am quite conventional, you see but a rare deviati0on from it spells trouble and leads to such a conclusion. It brands me. Yeah, I am impractical, unreasonable, quite selfish, jealous, possessive as earlier mentioned, immatured, uncouth, short-tempered. But that's because i love. Weird? Well that's how it is. These are infrequent occurances but as i said they are of such a degree and such is my luck that they brand me. The other aspects of me are most of the times, overlooked. I complain and then when i find there are no listeners, I gulp it in. I fail to explain to the world that I am unreasonable, impractical and the other adjectives mentioned above, only and ONLY because I love. That's a honest reason. Look, I am not justifying it nor trying to gain a consolation. Just stating facts. yes, people would write it off as a lame one. But i just cant seem to explain people. I can teach kids but cant explain people properly. A phenomenon which has been happening to me from my childhood days. A thing which used to drain me completely, initially but nowadays i am quite used to it when i see that i am not able to explain people what i intend to. Or falling short of my intentions. Partho Mukherjee once said that between your passion and performance falls a shadow, between your dreams and destiny falls a shadow. i am used to this spectre now but it still haunts me. But in conclusion, socially and conventionally speaking, I am a sinner who fails to understand and quite a bit of an immatured prick, maybe. But that is because i love. If you feel you are not able to understand this discourse, I have my reasons for it as stated a few lines above. And if you do, well, God bless poor you.

Adolf Maradona?

A gasping, gawking, charged-up Diego Maradona charging up and down the sidelines and blowing kisses to Messi, is surely a contagious sight, more so for Argentine fans. But will his extreme pride, or should I say, haughtiness, prove to be the doom for him?

Maradonaisms

"Pele should be put in a museum; I don't care about Platini"

"I have Messi. Do you?"

This, apart from cursing at scribes and making the winning side in a practice game shower footballs on the losing side, as a punishment.

Are we playing football or dodgeball?

A (really) long drive

I detested long drives and thought what kind of creatures have so much fixation for it, earlier. Then a few years back, I initiated myself along the same lines, which I loathed. Now, it was all too sweet for me. But, by the time the desire sunk in, I found odd companions during the almost 50 km ride from my place of stay to my work place in the place where I dwell (Did anybody say home? Tch tch!)

Here are some common conceptions of long drives and my take on it

Long drives and your love by your side

Well, I can't say i have too much affinity for the rash drivers and their pan-stained blabber, as an accompaniment while I cross 3 states, technically. The only love I show is when I have to reach my destination early and the driver honours my plea.

Miles after miles, some hugging some smiles

Well of course, I don't defend the 'miles' part of it. And you possibly can't hug a female colleague sitting beside you. Well, not me, at the least (Though I now seem to know a lot of people who would). And males are distasteful to hug. The scanty smiles are confined to the (sometimes fake) cordiality which i have to display in order to prove me as senile during a 1-hour of uneventful and conversation-less trip.

You stop the car and advance at her

Ah! This has happened many times. 1.30 at the night. The car breaks down. Alone, deserted on NH-4, cursing and spitting. Feel like advancing at the clueless driver and thwacking him hard

The winds, the kiss and the beautiful moonlight

The air around DND expressway emits the foulest of smell you can experience in the whole of Delhi. The stink stings you even in the apparently most beautiful of night with a distant haze(which you realise, soon, to be nothing but the over-polluted skyline of Noida)

And finally the desire to go on a drive again

No options here. You are a daily labourer in a mercenary firm

Thank you...A miracle!

Bari aaye!
eki! kano? ei to elaam
na na aaj taratari aaste hobe...aar na
kano? erom korona...aar kichhukhhon thaakte dao
na
aare! shondeo to hoyni
na baari esho
aare? aami korlaam ta ki? aamar dosh ki?
khub beyaddop hoecho aajkal
aar je aami tomaar kotha shuni
na baari esho bolechi esho bass!
but shonde to hote daao...koto khyala baaki...koto plans nie eshechilam
na na ki hochhe tor theke?
kano?
aka akai to khelchish...koi tor bondhura?
o ora! ora lukieche!aami khujchi
mitthe kotha?
na na...shotti
na onek hoeche...aaye to ebaar.dekhbi bhaalo laagbe ekhaane
bhaalo laagbe hoyto. but aamar ekhaaneo bhaalo laagce
kano?
aare! koto kichu bhebe aachi. koto ki plans
arakdin korbi. akhon aaye
please
na
please please
NA
erom korona please. Thaakte dao...pls
...
ektu doya koro
...
please...aami kotha shunbo...
thik?
Thik thik thik please ektu thaaki
Hm ok
Thank you...

Suddenly...

I have known long enough that life is arbitrary. A moment before I entered the newsroom yesterday at 5 in the morning, little did I realize what was the piece of news that would greet me in the giant 72 inches plasma screen installed a few days back. A train disaster had taken place near Jhargram, possibly triggered by the maoists rampant in the area. A most unfortunate event, where more than 70 were dead. But as I stared blankly at the screen, my mind pondered upon the most literal question- how many more such?- and also something more profound- about the reason behind it all. why would a person sitting or sleeping comfortably on his berth, maybe expecting a business meeting or a family reunion when he reaches Mumbai, be all of a sudden, greeted by an accident, which will take away his life, which will shatter his dreams, which will leave a void in his family, which will bring in a crisis wherein everybody will shake their heads and sympathize and say that whatever happened was too bad...The chill went down my spine. I mean you, the reader, have dreams. I have dreams. We all have dreams. It can be a short term one-like doing a task in a few days time or a long term one-like buying a house or settling my debts or just simply, be happy. So why are these dreams snatched away, all of a sudden? I have always loved to think that i would want to die in my sleep. And that there should be a premonition. It used to hammer me when I heard tales of physical sufferers who died gradually. But now, i guess, they are the lucky ones. Death is not a shock to them. Its a process. But what about the unaware fellow, on whom a rolling stone falls and cracks open his skull, or he meets with an accident, or he slips and fall down a cliff...all of these sudden instances... arbitrary. Why so? And I find no answer. Is life a dream? Are we all in a dream? Are we to 'wake up' and find that the 'real' life exists in death?
I would have accepted the theory but for the engagements, propositions, ideas, plans and love in this world, which are tucked away in a corner of the room filled with grief, misery and helplessness.
Maybe the answer is waiting for us. We shall know it all. In sweet time.

Of private tuitions

I always dreaded mathematics. I still do. So much, that I still have nightmares that I am sitting clueless over a paper of calculus, staring into the blank ceiling, while others scribble away to glory. Yes, numbers and I never went hand in hand. When I think of the possible reason, i conclude that it was more to do with a fear rather than inability. Guidance also matters and on that regards, my base was quite weak.

So, as far as i remember, Maths was the cause that I got my first private tutor. Rakhi miss. I was in standard 6. PCB was introduced and it all seemed greek to me (Sometimes, I feel quite near to Darsheel Safary in TZP :) So that was my first stint. Intially reluctant to be under someone's supervision, I found my teacher very cooperative and friendly. And she exuded solace. The thing I like about females. Soon I began to get interested and performed decently in exams. All thanks to this tutor of mine. But the relation ceased after a year or so as she got married and I lost a tutor whom I fancied close as a sister-in-the-making.

Mithu didi is still incomparable. The love, care, affection and the occasional scoldings that she used to display moulded me into a more matured pupil of economics. I began to love the subject and solved numericals in a snap of a finger. I used to love her handwriting. Wonderful-a reflection of her personality. She used to be very close to our family. Mithu didi gorged on the dishes prepared by Mum when she used to come and teach me. When i used to go to her place, her family offered me love. I enjoyed it a lot. Well, my reluctance was perennial but even then, now when I look back I seem to miss those days. I also seem to think that I should have changed or modified myself in such a manner which would have got me interested in subjects which i disliked. My problem was that I spent hours after hours (not literally...for me 10 minutes equalled to an hour sometimes) reading the subject of my choice, which was mainly restricted to english and hindi literature and business studies and economics, and never used to turn an eye towards the subjects I disliked (like maths, PCB, geography)Now when I look back and that I am in such a stage where bookish education is no longer a part of my life, i fancy myself to believe that I have developed a zest in me that would help me cope with maths much better, understand PCB and develop a liking for geography (geo seems so interesting to me now. Godammit! what kind of a person I was!) Coming back to Mithu didi she too got married after 4 to 5 years and is now in the States and has been blessed with a baby boy. God bless her! The years i spent under her guidance tempered me into a better learned individual. I miss her.

Then comes Suvankar da. There are few people in my life whom I have lost due to no fault of circumstances. Santanu (my old school buddy) and Suvankar da are the ones i can remember now. Exceptionally sensitive and very affectionate. Yes he was effeminate and I used to find him very wierd and also used to laugh behind his back and crack jokes at his 'infirmity'. But seldom did i realize consciously that I had found a great friend in him. Such was his heart, such his genuineness and such was his loneliness that I soon became fond of him but was never able to realize it consciously. Now that he has gone and I dont even know where he is, I feel a pang of meeting him and bringing him back to my very limited friend circle that i am left with now. People have come people have spread joy in my life and then they have left, leaving me spent and hollow. Suvankar da is one such person. i remember that he took me to a movie, a book fair and also treated me to hilsa in his house. He used to share his joys sorrow and loneliness to me. I could feel the pain in each of his words. He used to work a lot and said that he loves teaching. My grades improved and soon he left after a clash of tuition timings.

Anindita ma'am was my tutor She used to teach me hindi for 2 years. A passionate lover of hindi literature, she was very motherly towards me. She used to scold me, care about me be indifferent and bitch about others in front of me. And I liked it all. I was the best student in her class. and everytime i got an 80 in my exams she used to be very happy. Her two sons were very nice to me. chotu was my friend and subho da was an inspiration. That episode too came to an ed after my class 12 exams. I took up english and hindi went off my radar. Now I am not in touch with her.

Two other tutors very significant in my life were nishat jethu and bimal uncle. Great people. Bimal uncle has been a family friend. He used to teach me maths and ocassionally ohysics and chemistry. needless to say, I hated the subjects like anything. So naturally I avoided his classes. But he was so very learned and good in maths (he spent his entire life working for LIC) that my grades improved. I attempted 70 marks of maths in class 10 and got 60-my greatest achievement in maths till date. Afternoon classes were very tedious and i hated the classes even the more for that. Sleep-deprived and reluctant and disinterested, i loathed going to his classes but he was a great friend of ours and still is.

Nishat jethu was a cranky but funny old man. A freedom fighter in his youth, he had lovely tales to narrate to us. i still suspect him to be an undercover maoist or something. i hated going to his classes in the evenings. my friends used to play in the field and I used to give it a last sight and hop onto my bicycle.

Of course, no body was so special like Partho Mukherjee. What do i say about him. First time in my life, I died to attend his classes just to listen to him in rapt attention. Every word was a sermon for me-many of which i still consider as a guiding light in my life. The lesser said about him, the purer the essence would be.

Barring the gayatris, poornas and the sandips, I had been quite lucky to experience the rest of my private tutors. Experiences which still makes me miss them.

The brand new Paathshaala

You reach a time in your life when you begin to go beyond noticing personal and inter-personal changes and begin noticing social changes.
Last night while attending a dinner party one of the discussions veered towards the education of the host's kids. Sure the Indian education system has changed a lot specially in the metros. And well let me be clear that I am talking about those schools which have adopted the European and the American curriculum of teaching its students. And that I am mentioning about the 'Upmarket' ones for valid reasons. Let me point out three broad developments which has appealed to me the most.

Firstly, the way of imparting education has altered. It's not about bookish knowledge anymore.It's not about sticking to your textbooks and answering questions at the end of every chapter nowadays. It has gone beyond that. The psychological angle has crept in. It's more analytical now. With deeper thought behind the formation of each question and the ideation of the ability to make the student 'think' and answer, not just simply answering mechanically. Monthly exams have been replaced by weekly tests and daily quizzes. Grades have come in. The concept of awarding a topper with 'star' has been devised too. The sense of competition has increased with classes having lesser and lesser number of 'poor' students. Everyone notches up a minimum of 60 percent nowadays. CBSE is thinking of doing away with the tradition of failing a student till a particular standard. Boardroom education has replaced classroom teaching. Blackboards have given way to digital boards where you can log on to a website and teach the class. Gone are the days of the dusters. One swish of hand and the data is wiped out (with a possible memory to back it up) from the screen. Its 'cool' for the new breed of kids. and its western. we all are suckers for it. Just that its western and its better. Also, another newer technique has emerged whereby students are given IDs with which if they log on to their school's website they will have a detailed account of hat has been happening in the class that particular day and what were the minutes of it, how has been the child's performance etc.

Secondly, a huge differrence has come about through the employmeny of co-curricular activities in schools. Its not just books and books and exams anymore. Young people are getting exposed to public speaking and a host of other innovative indoor and outdoor exercises. My nephew has soemthing called 'cobblers day' coming up in his school which is reportedly about how to maintain the cleanliness of your shoes, which sounds exciting to him. A big reason for this kind of a holistic education in schools is because of the fact that with work pressure and the rat race in various industries in the work field, parents are getting little time to intract and 'train' their children. So the school takes care of them all. Of course in lieu of a hefty fee (which nowadays most of the parents can afford to, or comply to or well..compromise to. They clearly dont have a choice) So as I was saying, newer self defence techniques are coming in. The very popular Karate is getting replaced by kick boxing and taekwondo. Pottery, claying, arts and crafts, creative writing, gardening, fine dining, toilet training, hygiene and other extra curricular things have been incorporated in the syllabi.This is in addition to the outdoor events like annual sports or cricket, football, basketball being played.

Thirdly, the pressure has shifted from the students to the teachers. I hear that their compensation has been multiplied in private schools but the kind of work they do in training the kids has been exemplary and much more from what our teachers used to do. Not that they like it too much but the new system of eduaction has sure revealed who is to take all the worries. The teachers have to take charge of being with the kids, making assessments, reports, meeting with parents, bringing in innovation in class and so on. Even another path breaking achievement has been the removal, and I would say banishment, of corporal punishment from schools as such.

There are of course a host of other changes and addition like better transport facilities, air conditioned campuses, better uniforms, foreign exchange programmes, community service drives, added recognitions, improved tolerance to students etc which are present in the list of developments.

The sad and unfortunate part is that Government schools don't have the resources to carry out such functions and that education in rural areas have a long way to go. But the good part is that even the not so rich and famous private ones are trying to emulate their richer counterparts. I am sure the nest generation will be amazed to listen to our education tales.
Here's to a better India.