Thursday, August 12, 2010

Confessions of a sinner

I can be quite obnoxious. Well, thanks to my one-track, one-dimensional, obsessed mind, many of my friends and not-quites may have such an impression. I wont accuse them. There are many things that i like in life, but there is a fewer lot that i love. And i am quite possessive about them, to the extent of being an animal. There have been so many times when my near and dear ones have said that I need psychiatric help. Yes, I do. Maybe, I do to fit the bill of the conventional guy. I am quite conventional, you see but a rare deviati0on from it spells trouble and leads to such a conclusion. It brands me. Yeah, I am impractical, unreasonable, quite selfish, jealous, possessive as earlier mentioned, immatured, uncouth, short-tempered. But that's because i love. Weird? Well that's how it is. These are infrequent occurances but as i said they are of such a degree and such is my luck that they brand me. The other aspects of me are most of the times, overlooked. I complain and then when i find there are no listeners, I gulp it in. I fail to explain to the world that I am unreasonable, impractical and the other adjectives mentioned above, only and ONLY because I love. That's a honest reason. Look, I am not justifying it nor trying to gain a consolation. Just stating facts. yes, people would write it off as a lame one. But i just cant seem to explain people. I can teach kids but cant explain people properly. A phenomenon which has been happening to me from my childhood days. A thing which used to drain me completely, initially but nowadays i am quite used to it when i see that i am not able to explain people what i intend to. Or falling short of my intentions. Partho Mukherjee once said that between your passion and performance falls a shadow, between your dreams and destiny falls a shadow. i am used to this spectre now but it still haunts me. But in conclusion, socially and conventionally speaking, I am a sinner who fails to understand and quite a bit of an immatured prick, maybe. But that is because i love. If you feel you are not able to understand this discourse, I have my reasons for it as stated a few lines above. And if you do, well, God bless poor you.

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