Heartiest Congratulations!!

Dear Mr. Elesh,

Heartiest Congratulations on your attachment, and a little more than that, with the reigning queen of Indian reality TV (and voluptuous babes, and indecent imbeciles and drama queen), Rakhi...ahem...sawant. You must be over the moon (very soon in the sanatorium) with the developments. Good for you. No no before you turn modest, let me say that you were really deserving. Your talents and skills (and histrionics and dumbness) was very commendable and deserves an applause (and rotten tomatoes). After all, who will take so much pain to learn dancing, hindi, wooing and dramatics (apart from the other a**ho**s) to win the 'princess'? Good I am very happy for you. Now that your partner is engaged with you and plans(sic) to marry (choke! koff!) you afterwards(whatever that means!), I hope she will stop accusing others of forcibly manhandling her and sobbing that she has nobody in this world. Your Mom-in-law's a gem of a lady. so sophisticated, couth, chic and charming(dont make me go on). The way you were dancing top those Bollywood numbers, you can anyday give competition to our bolly stars. No, really! (you were much better with the foot than rajpal yadav and ashutosh rana) But now that you have won the grand prize(detention, I say) please dont be sceptical about marrying the lady.(Its a different question, whether she will marry you or not). because, you might not be lucky the next time(prospective brides may back out when they hear that you once 'sold' yourself to be on Indian Television expressing and winning your desire to marry whatever her name is) I hope you guys will have your honeymoon (which might make you turn impotent in th elong run) in canada. Stay there and enjoy life.(coz people like me will make sure that you dont enter my country after the heinous crime that you have committed). Your producers are jewels to have given you such a huge opportunity to be a public(ire) figure. You have done a good deed. I have a suggestion. Please escort(take away) your partner to some exotic(remote corner of the world) location and leave her there for a few days, coz u might have biz elsewhere. (I will make sure you are demented, killed, slashed and Rakhi never gets to be in our sight again) So Mr. Elesh. Now that you are a celebrity (the other top two contestants are bigger, though, as they doid not win the bonanza), enjoy life (kya pata kal ho na ho) and keep it rocking! (with rakhi!!!! yuck!)

yours sincerely(and menacingly)
ysg(you...R.I.P)

p.s: I love(pity) your family.